Zombie Rights: A public service announcement


By Trina Haynes

As a Zombie rights activist I was compelled to attend the Pittsburgh Zombiefest.

I have found that the undead Zombie habitat is normally in abandoned houses, old subway tunnels and large underground sewage pipes. When Zombie gatherings are called out, they will rise from their dwellings and lurch about with their fellow brain eaters.

A word of warning: Zombies cannot control their undead actions and needs. They are just so hungry. When going into a Zombie filled atmosphere it is a good idea to have a quick escape plan. I brought my bicycle to this outdoor Zombiefest, and made sure I had my “I love my Brain” helmet on. I did have to make a few quick escapes, but it’s expected when you are a delicious morsel to whom you’re conversing.

The undead folk come in all different types; there are wrestlers, rock stars, children, parents and the occasional religious leader. I have seen no sign of literacy ability, so I am attempting to master my grunt, drool and dead stare Zombie lingo. Starting with “No, you may not eat my brains.” And “Don’t make me pull out my chainsaw.”

My hope is one day Zombies will no longer face discrimination and stereotyping. That our society will opens its mind to equality for Zombies, and that both the living and undead can co-exist.

Photos courtesy of Corinne Caloyer & Nicole Behanna, two amazing Zombies.



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