Ask Beardo: Kids on bikes

Q: Hey Beardo,
I love riding bikes and I’d like to share that experience with my kids, but they just aren’t into it. Any suggestions on how I can get them on two wheels?
Thanks, Fernando Crombestia Fernando


Let’s get this out of the way first. Until recently, I didn’t have much experience with kids. Kids kinda scared me. They seemed so needy, and there was an odor about them that I couldn’t get down with. And some part of my brain figured if I spent enough time around them, I might end up with one of my own, and I have a hard enough time keeping my cactus alive, and a whole other human seemed too much.

But these little buggers have grown on me, and once I fixed a flat tire for one neighborhood kid, the rest of the little urchins seemed to glom onto my repair skills like moths to a stadium light. And while their parents might not be doing a great job teaching these grubby youngsters to say thank you, keeping them on two wheels warms me up like a handle of whiskey never could.

Anyway, your little urchins don’t like bikes. But you do. I’m willing to bet you had a very different childhood than your offspring. Your bike took you places, places without the ever-present parental eyeball. To the store to buy penny candy, to play basketball, to soccer practice, to sleepovers. In other words, the bike was your first taste of freedom and adventure.

But your kids? You probably have to find helmets, load the bikes up on the car, drive somewhere, ride around in the circle and repeat the car trip home. It is a crying shame. Literally. I tear up thinking about this stuff , even when I haven’t been warming myself with whiskey.

At some point, all you parents got scared. Scared of all the stupid cars driven by people checking emails and twitters and weather and the stock market and guaranteed-you’ll-have-an-affair websites while “sharing the road,” all in a hurry to get to work, school, the store or home. While somehow car deaths have gone down, all those airbags in modern cars can’t protect little Josie when some careless driver pulls that rolling right turn and smashes the kid in a crosswalk.

My advice? Go somewhere via bike with your kids. Some place your kids want to go. The movies. The hot mess that is Chuck E. Cheese’s. To get ice cream. To the park. Get them associating bikes with good times. Maybe even think about swallowing some of that fear and letting them ride somewhere themselves when they are old enough to be saddled with some responsibility. Give them a few bucks for ice cream sandwiches, make them a map, ride the route with them first, and then suck up that knot in your stomach and untie those apron strings.

This is a form of bribery. And I fully support it. Because you should listen to a childless bachelor when it comes to child-rearing. But only about bike stuff. And teaching the little heathens to say thank you to the dude who fixed that flat tire.

From Bicycle Times Issue #38. Portrait of Yours Truly by Stephen Haynes.



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